Crisis

I’ve proven myself to be worthy of the crown of patience, resistance and faith. I excluded myself to their so-called “love circle” which is famous in this generation. I might have looks that earn enough attention for the past few years but never a second glance. It was a choice I made and it was one thing I’ll never regret until today.

I always dream of something so magical, so perfect, so beautiful, and so fictional. It was my idea of love, a fairy tale in midst of a bustling city with a man with sincere eyes and a killer smile. I’ve already mapped out my future even to the smallest detail but it tends to go to a very different direction.

Ilang taon kong pinigilan ang sarili ko. Ayokong masira ang NBSB record ko, takot ako, nagsasawa ako, naiinip ako, at higit sa lahat makakasakit lang ako. Ilan lng yan sa mga rasong naiisip ko pagdating sa “heart matters”. Kahit na minsan, di ko pinasok ang ”larangang” yan. Maski ngayon, masasabi ko pa ring hindi ako handa sa kahit na anong relasyon, ika nga nila “I have problems with commitment” na sa katunayan ay totoo naman. Mapa.grupo mn or usapan, nahihirapan akong “mag-commit”.

I grew up believing that love takes time. I grew up thinking that love can wait and love will find you no matter what, where, when. I believed that getting to know each other needs time and no love can happen in a snap. I believe that if someone is already in your heart, no one can create a space inside at the same time. I believe that cheesy lines and actions are not corny but very romantic. I thought it would really be sweet if I receive chocolates and flowers.

I don’t want to be a hypocrite in the eyes of other people but I found myself breaking my own rules. Who would have thought that one stare can create sparks inside? Who would’ve thought that a week can create a tsunami of unreasonable feelings? I even realized that I really hate cheesy lines and actions and thought of them as superficial, childish and dumb moves. I also realized how I hate chocolates and found no sense from flowers. Who would’ve thought that I can invest feelings in a short span of time?

Kung tutuusin, dapat nagsasawa na ako ngayon. Dapat umiiwas na ako at binubuhos yung atensyon ko sa mas importanteng bagay. Yun naman talaga ang trend eh. Dapat nakaharap na ako sa libro at nagbabasa. Dapat sana hindi ako naguguluhan sa kung ano talaga ang gusto ko. Ilang araw pa nga lang pero ba’t ganito?

Before everything happened, I prepared myself for something like this since this is college but I never expected it to be this early. This was supposed to be okay. He was supposed to be perfect but time is my enemy and it lingers to give me doubts and uneasiness. Who falls in love within a week?

I admit that I really have something for him but not love, maybe attraction but it’s not love. He might have confessed but I’m still on the verge of questioning what the hell is happening and why so fast! I can’t explain the “pull” but it’s certainly different compared to my pasts. He was not my dream guy but I found myself looking forward. We’re totally opposite but it seems to be a bonus point.

It’s too early to say or act or care but I want to see how this goes. It’s really not normal for me to indulge in this but I find time and so far, it’s not what I thought it should be. Maybe I’m too naive for this because I lack enough experience and background. This was not my forte and I’m facing a battle with no armor and shield. I already set my goals and so far I have my priorities. I still excel in school and balance my social time with my personal one and that’s the most important thing. But a girl can be inspired right?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s