Being Iska Part 1: Freshie days

So before the school starts, before the hustle and bustle of another semester, before all the upcoming panic attacks and desperation, let’s walk down the memory lane, shall we?

                There was this girl, 4’10’’ tall, little miss goody-two-shoes, shy, ready to take over her new life but unconsciously naive with what she really was in. The first 3-4 weeks were exciting, liberating and of course, exhausting. When i recall those times, one word would just pop in my mind; longing. She would count hours, days and weeks just to get by and those late night phone calls from home keeps her alive.

She conditioned herself to be a studious student and spent 5-6 hours solving a 3-page factoring problems. Life was easy; it was bearable but uncanny for her for she was never like this in the first place; but the weirdest of them all? She liked it.

Days and weeks went, people became acquaintances and acquaintances became friends. She then realized an overwhelming feeling that friendship can be eternal and she’s on the receiving end at the moment. Whatever may happen in the future, this people who might fail or succeed will be part of her life and vice versa. The thought was exhilarating and awesome.

But of all the meet-ups and introductions, a guy caught her attention. Given her new life, a prototype identity and innocence, who would say no to this kind of opportunity? They became friends, and with some applied force and pressure, they became a couple. He was her first and the feeling was foreign; first love and first heartbreak, dignity intact.

 The days come and go. There are mornings that are as bright as the smiling sun that gives inspiration out from nowhere while there are times that as I open my eyes, a heavy feeling right deep inside my heart makes me scared to face the day, thinking as to what may happen or everything could probably go wrong. I would just pray at night that the latter wouldn’t visit me on the day after and the cycle goes on.

The grades were good on the first semester but it tilted a little on the second, maybe because of the guilt that was eating me on my first relationship and also maybe my subjects were really that hard. On the second phase, I spent most hours to myself with no idea what to do except study. I realized I should never be left alone for my mind is active and confusing as ever. Talking to myself was a daily routine and to keep my mind of things was an effortful attempt to forget the negative things in my life. Maybe at that time, I got a glimpse of an early life crisis and maybe also an identity crisis. I was getting tired of the setup but the thought of failing grades were much more horrifying than anything else so I kept moving forward.

The girl that was once shy and intimidated became me. She became confident and knows what she wants. I might not state all the details that led me through what i am right now; not just because of the booze, the heartbreak, the failures, the doubts and the pressure, there were a lot of factors affected me through this one-year process. But one thing’s for sure, this is a better me. I may be capable of a more daring and dangerous things, I’m also capable of doing good and exciting things. I was born a control-freak and it does get on the way but so far, it did me good regardless of the disappointments and frustration every now and then but all in all, I will look back on that year with a smile.

Being an ISKA was really a new experience. Not just because life was there, opportunities was there, social life was on its happy hour but the learning can’t be compared to any other. Being iska doesn’t just involve your mental ability but also your holistic being. It teaches you life with its beauty and at the same time, its pain. 

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The BlogIt List 2014

blogitlist

This may be a little too late to start with since it’s already July but since everything in my life halted and changed tracks, it would be appropriate to jumpstart myself too.
A calendar shift, being recently “available”, an incoming sophomore at UPLB and a girl who will soon turn 18; here’s my BlogIt List 2014 (In non-chronological order).

•Write a conspiracy theory
Either science or philosophical, i also encourage other bloggers to do this

•My first “genuine” heartbreak
Whooo! Finally, I have something to say about this now haha

• Life of an Iska Part 1
A review of my freshie life and all the ups and downs of those two amazing semesters

•Travel Posts
I will forever be a vagabond at heart and new places entice me.

•Foodie Posts
Everybody’s a foodie, right?

•Musings
Let those literary juices ooze out of our minds.

•Make another Stop motion Video
I made my first one and it was so cool so i hope i could find time to make another again

•Start of another Semester
Because of the calendar shift, my semester is still yet to come.

•Instagram Song
For the love of God, where will I ever find an egg’s Benedict, side of ham? Well one of my teachers challenged us to complete the list of this song on our instagram accounts within this year and i haven’t even started yet! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn-dD-QKYN4

•Friends Appreciation Day
This one should be easy.

•The 4-month staycation (PhotoBlog)
Before I’ll go back to Laguna, I should be done with this… i hope

•The Apartment life
Another foreign chapter to my life this year, i hope it would turn out well.

•Hellweek Madness
What’s being an Iska without a massive nerve-racking hellweek?

•Sports Appreciation Day
PE Time!

•Movie Reviews
I’ve stocked, reformatted and restocked my Drive D with movies and 90% of them were downloaded and watched. Booyah!

•Future Plans (The Engineer’s Bucket List)
I’m always the dreamer/perfectionist/ambitious/the girl on fire when it comes to plans.

•Tips for UPCAT
I’ll be happy to give helpful and real-life advices to our soon-to-be ISKOLAR NG BAYAN PARA SA BAYAN.

•Why i started blogging
Throooowback

Challenge of the year: Satirical Post
As a writer, the literary and technical content of this post would be easy BUT as a person who lacks humor, this would be the end of me (well at least I got a year to finish all of these).

 

PS: If i finish this two weeks ahead of time, I’m gonna treat myself! 🙂

Note to self

You hate yourself for being the person you don’t want to be and there’s no helping it.
Yes you could control yourself but the stuff around you are not oblivious as to what you have become.
You’re like a light switch so easily to switch on and off but unfortunately, most of the time you’re neglected and left hanging.
You never were the clingy type and had not been planning to be but what the hell is this shit?
For now, give yourself the benefit of the doubt and learn to control it for the long haul.
You’ve been keeping yourself from it for years and now is the time to stretch and test your limits.
And don’t forget to remind yourself why you’re here in the first place so you’ll know where to start pushing forward… again.

In less than a month…

Soon, this will all be over.

I remember the first time I saw that place. Trees, dirt, sand and people all over. It was really very vague. It was 6 years ago when we went to a sci fair hosted by the Science Centrum. I was amazed not by the school but the exhibits, well that’s what’s expected for a 5th grader. I never thought that place would really change me.

Sky blue and white were foreign to me as well as tuck-in blouses. I remember my first day where I felt really weird to dress such a thing. I search for my classroom and found a seat beside my friends. It was a rival of schools where you came from. Competition was also in the air.

Days, weeks and months passed, I got used to it. Classes were vague in my memory but not the fun. All I can even think of my first year was all the fun things we’ve done. I thought it was one of the best years of my life but I was wrong- really wrong.

The second year was one of the toughest, hardest, most brutal year but i must admit, it was THE BEST YEAR OF MY EXISTENCE. It was when we’re not already the youngest of them all and the most vulnerable. It was where all the training a smart and an ambitious person should have and could have. It was when friendship creates its roots and grow much deeper. It was when love blooms the prettiest. It was when success makes a mark at the peak with your name soaring with it.

I still long for that time where everything was complicated yet you know you’ll be ok. Everything was out of control yet you can still live with it. Everything was so beautiful yet you found yourself hungry for more. It was an amazing experience and a very challenging one. I can’t even think how I survived such a beautiful hell hole.

But everything must come to an end and all I can bring with me are just memories left behind. But without regrets, I’ll keep looking back to that moment of my young life where everything was a perfect chaos.

The next two years were where fun, knowledge and life created a perfect harmony. Control was within my reach and worry was just a seldom visitor. It was where we learned to cherish the remaining time we got before we separate ways. Time favored our life and we survived the challenges prepared to us by fate. We fail, we stand-up, we celebrate. Even though we are not normal high school kids, even though our experiences were far from most people have, even though we specialize knowledge more than practicalities, we still find ourselves having the time of our lives. It was not easy but we still found our way to the end of the tunnel and this time there will be goodbyes.

Knowledge molded our minds but friendship molded our souls. In less than a month, we will march that aisle and accept our fruit of labor. In less than a month, we will shift our paths to a greater and tougher one. In less than a month, tears will fall and hugs will be shared. In less than a month, these will all be memories tucked in the back of my mind but will never ever be forgotten ’til I rest my life.

Long live guys and thank you for everything ! 🙂
UBatch 2009-2013 ♥♥♥

orchid  all  sajs  rizal

A Natural Massacre

Words can’t give justice to what the catastrophic devastation had done to the ever virgin land of Mindanao. It’s beyond imagination, beyond reality, a nightmare that seems to haunt you, me, everybody who suffered the calamity.

A day before was a deception to the naked eye. The hot and humid atmosphere of the city seems to soothe the nerves of people about the coming typhoon. It lured everyone to sit back, relax and take a sip of coffee and wait for the usual rain and hush of the wind.

9:00 am. No sign of a bad weather, even better than ordinary days. Calm wind, blue skies. If there were no news of an upcoming typhoon, it would be one of the days where summer mix in with winter.

3:00 pm. Well my favorite part of the day. Clouds cover the sky, not too blindingly white and not too grimly dark, just the perfect shade of a fluffy yet satin cotton. It tempted me to snuggle under the covers in our soon-to-be new house of my soon-to-be new room.

6:00 pm. Davao del Norte has been put on signal number 3 along with the nearby provinces but like I said, still no sign of a whirling mass of cloud and air in the atmosphere. Can’t wait to prove that PAG-ASA would sometimes mislead an information.

1:00 am. Not all wishes came through. Raindrops were starting to fall on the roof creating a musicale on my head. I just love rain, it don’t just me give good luck  but also the blanket of cool breeze that makes me sleep more soundly.

5:00 am. It’s getting colder but still very soothing and relaxing. Raindrops were still falling but this time, they beat like a drum, BIG DRUM. But no trouble. My family woke up early and my sister took a bath and got ready for school. She really needs to learn a thing or two, when tv announces signal number 3, it will certainly guarantee you that class would be nowhere to be found.

6:00 am. My mom gave us 3 glasses of milk to warm us. We even raced who could finish first and well no doubt, it’s always me. But as soon as the glass felt empty, so as the heat. Cooler breeze started to bust in and out of the window. The fun thing was it has it’s rhythm, a second it goes crescendo then subsides immediately. It feels like waves in the sea as they welcome the shore.

6:30 am. Each minute the wind grew stronger, we need to go downstairs for more insulation. I brought a blanket to keep me more warm during the slightly unusual weather.

7:00 am. I was startled and my heart beat faster. The roof of the house rattled, it looks like it wanted to break free of its permanent place. It creates a screeching metal sound across a hard concrete. It unnerving and frightful.

8:00 am. If screeching sound were bad enough to make me shiver to my bones, the view of swaying trees, big and very tall coconut trees makes you want to dig a hole. At this very moment, I was sure that the roofs of some houses were flying across mid-air causing loud crashes. Trees were being uprooted from their places and any minute it would smash the houses beneath.

9:00 am. The only thing I could do was pray. It seemed to last forever. It’s cold and very noisy. Trees blocking the road. The electricity was out and it’s purely dark. It’s almost noon but it looked like the sun was already heading to the west. The hard gush of the wind, the deafening raindrops, the bent trees, the dome of darkness, it was a typhoon alright, a massive super typhoon.

Image

(c) pssst.com.ph

Mindanao was called as the Land of Promise until that day, December 4, 2012. The mass of land was rarely, close to never, hit by a typhoon especially by a Super Typhoon. But a change was made and a what a big change it was. We were caught off guard, leaving us with nothing but a total wreck.

Lives were taken, hundreds and hundreds of lives. Children buried alive on the mud. People tugged by the flash flood down to the pits of death. Survivors start to wilt and die in search of food, water and shelter. Houses were smashed to pieces. A massacre in the nastiest angle possible.

It’s hard to believe a paradise as beautiful as my homeland would lose some of its beauty on the map. It would take a long time to heal, but the big problem is, would mother nature let it heal again or would she totally destroy Mindanao’s beauty with another apocalypse?

To whom it may concern,

Assistance is needed at this very moment in time here in Philippines, especially in Mindanao. Food, Clothes, Water and Shelter are the most crucial amenities for the victims. Please help the people in need from the bottom of your generous heart. 🙂

Friday the THIRTEEN-th

task 13: Life with my family

Being the eldest daughter of a four-member family looked like an easy job but it’s actually 180 degree-opposite.

I was never raised by my family as a dependent bratinella. I learned to be independent in life and made decisions for myself. But I will always admit to have a housekeeper every once in a while.

I am proud to say that I never lacked discipline from my parents. From reprimands to physical assaults, my mind and body suffered them all. A typical Filipino family is what I have.

But after the tragedy happened, differences made their way before us. We need to change a LOT of our daily routines and attitudes. It’s very hard, really really hard. In the process of changing, blood, sweat and tears flowed out of me in straining out the best that I could be. I worked hard both in school and in the house we currently live in. I even experienced the paranoia where everything else around me were all blurred. I was distant with the world, secluding myself in a safer place, away from pressure and reprimands from my parents.

At this moment of time, we are a one of the rare families that still exchange “i love you” and kisses and hugs. We still go to church every Sunday and sometimes even go out to see a movie on the weekends. But as time passed by, distance grew so does the mind. I developed fear inside, fear of what could happen next, of what mistake I would do in the future causing me to give up something just because they don’t approve of what I’ve been doing. It’s complicated and frightening but I believe, These are just challenges God imposed unto us to strengthen our faith and our bond.