Infection To The System

Infection to the System

A Reaction Paper on “Ang Paglilitis ni Andres Bonifacio”

by: Kristine Iannah Lawas

 

Disclaimer: Just wanna share it and post it on my blog to express my comments about historical events and its relation to our present and the incoming future

 

We recently watched a movie entitled “Ang Paglilitis ni Andres Bonifacio” and was presented in two ways: a play and a drama. At first, the movie was vague and incomprehensible because of the ambiguous transitions: from play to a film, from ancient sword fight to the Katipunan and from Ibong Adarna to Andres Bonifacio.

It was simply a chronological narration of what happened to Andres Bonifacio and his constituents at that time.  Also, in the movie, Andres was described through Ibong Adarna’s Don Juan. It was, for me, a peculiar comparison since it was reality versus fiction and literature which he did not wrote. But later, I found out that the two characters were similar in many ways.

One of the things I noticed in the film was the commotion or rivalry within the Katipunan amidst their war with the Spanish government. I felt pity for the country at that time because even us Filipinos, even on a small group, we tend to compete with position or leadership disregarding the real problem. Even today, we can see the same infectious disease on our system. Based on the historical facts, I can say that we could have done better than what our heroes did if they just set aside personal intentions and unite for one goal and one goal only, independence.

Andres Bonifacio, the Supremo and founder of the Katipunan, also made mistakes that led to his execution. It was evident how much he trusted his power or position to spare him his life. But in the end, instead of killing Spanish blood, the bullets and blades of the native Filipinos took the lives of their own kind. Even betrayal was a fashion at that time and ruined most of the people’s lives in the Spanish era in exchange for money, support or fame. We were a failure at that time but history was made for us to learn from it.

Crisis

I’ve proven myself to be worthy of the crown of patience, resistance and faith. I excluded myself to their so-called “love circle” which is famous in this generation. I might have looks that earn enough attention for the past few years but never a second glance. It was a choice I made and it was one thing I’ll never regret until today.

I always dream of something so magical, so perfect, so beautiful, and so fictional. It was my idea of love, a fairy tale in midst of a bustling city with a man with sincere eyes and a killer smile. I’ve already mapped out my future even to the smallest detail but it tends to go to a very different direction.

Ilang taon kong pinigilan ang sarili ko. Ayokong masira ang NBSB record ko, takot ako, nagsasawa ako, naiinip ako, at higit sa lahat makakasakit lang ako. Ilan lng yan sa mga rasong naiisip ko pagdating sa “heart matters”. Kahit na minsan, di ko pinasok ang ”larangang” yan. Maski ngayon, masasabi ko pa ring hindi ako handa sa kahit na anong relasyon, ika nga nila “I have problems with commitment” na sa katunayan ay totoo naman. Mapa.grupo mn or usapan, nahihirapan akong “mag-commit”.

I grew up believing that love takes time. I grew up thinking that love can wait and love will find you no matter what, where, when. I believed that getting to know each other needs time and no love can happen in a snap. I believe that if someone is already in your heart, no one can create a space inside at the same time. I believe that cheesy lines and actions are not corny but very romantic. I thought it would really be sweet if I receive chocolates and flowers.

I don’t want to be a hypocrite in the eyes of other people but I found myself breaking my own rules. Who would have thought that one stare can create sparks inside? Who would’ve thought that a week can create a tsunami of unreasonable feelings? I even realized that I really hate cheesy lines and actions and thought of them as superficial, childish and dumb moves. I also realized how I hate chocolates and found no sense from flowers. Who would’ve thought that I can invest feelings in a short span of time?

Kung tutuusin, dapat nagsasawa na ako ngayon. Dapat umiiwas na ako at binubuhos yung atensyon ko sa mas importanteng bagay. Yun naman talaga ang trend eh. Dapat nakaharap na ako sa libro at nagbabasa. Dapat sana hindi ako naguguluhan sa kung ano talaga ang gusto ko. Ilang araw pa nga lang pero ba’t ganito?

Before everything happened, I prepared myself for something like this since this is college but I never expected it to be this early. This was supposed to be okay. He was supposed to be perfect but time is my enemy and it lingers to give me doubts and uneasiness. Who falls in love within a week?

I admit that I really have something for him but not love, maybe attraction but it’s not love. He might have confessed but I’m still on the verge of questioning what the hell is happening and why so fast! I can’t explain the “pull” but it’s certainly different compared to my pasts. He was not my dream guy but I found myself looking forward. We’re totally opposite but it seems to be a bonus point.

It’s too early to say or act or care but I want to see how this goes. It’s really not normal for me to indulge in this but I find time and so far, it’s not what I thought it should be. Maybe I’m too naive for this because I lack enough experience and background. This was not my forte and I’m facing a battle with no armor and shield. I already set my goals and so far I have my priorities. I still excel in school and balance my social time with my personal one and that’s the most important thing. But a girl can be inspired right?

Can you blame me?

I’ve exposed myself in pain and suffering, victory and heaven, risks and sacrifices and deadly decisions and consequences. I was born many times and each was a unique era, either same or completely different from what we have now. I also died countless of times already but each death was in peace. Through the words engraved in every page, I’m revived once more.

Can you blame me? I take the life of someone but I’m no grim reaper. I envy their riches and gold but I’m no poor. I long for a velvety caress and a demanding kiss but I’m no widow. I create my own life and world through pages of books but I’m not crazy.

Can you blame me? To live in this world, to face the harsh reality and to deal with painful consequences are enough to drive someone off to the cliff and jump. The complexity but at the same time practicality of our time is very different from a century ago. Problems and hardships give no mercy to helpless people, it’s either they succeed or die trepidated. It’s hard to compete in the race of our society towards an arbitrary point which is actually an indistinguishable goal.

From all the negatives of our society and time, can you blame me to live a life that’s not mine? Can you blame me to create a whole new world of fantasies? Can you blame me to wish for the impossible? Can you blame me to break the rules?

Through stories, I can be someone else maybe a doctor, a child, a CEO, a rich socialite- anything my heart’s desire. Through stories, I fly to places I never thought I could reach, either on top of the Eiffel or below the pyramids. Through stories, love feels nostalgic and real. Through stories, life can have a happy ending.

Can you blame me? Why would I choose a life of poverty and abuse when I can make my own version of seventh heaven and cloud nine? Why would I fit into a society of crabs when I can be the queen of my own land? Why would I dry up all my tears from broken heart when I can be loved ‘til death do us part? Why would I indulge in the harsh reality when I can control my little piece of sanctuary?

Six Weeks

It’s been six weeks since i saw green tricycles on the streets. It’s been six weeks since i saw my grandmother. It’s been six weeks since I saw the towering palm trees along the wide roads.

Six weeks of waking up to a shabby room, and half of it, alone. Six weeks of longing for the genuine voices of my mom, dad and sister. Six weeks of independence and boundless freedom and possibilities. Six weeks of unshed tears waiting for home.

It’s been a long time since I saw my friends and family. Being miles away from each other, it hurts to think how i really miss them. I hold back tears when I hear their voices. I feel horrible when all music feels so nostalgic.

It’s a short span of time but really feels like ages. I hate the way I count down every hour of everyday and every day of every week, marking down the day I’ll ride that plane. I envy my friends when they pack up their bags and head home. When I see buses pass by, I always say to myself “makakauwi rin ako”.

I know the consequences of my choice, the choice to stay here, to study and learn here. I know the possible outcomes. I’ve prepared myself for anything that comes in my way but a person can get tired right? But no matter, inspiration and hope are the ones that keep me going. I might stumble on my feet, land on my face and trampled by people, I chose this.

I can always come back but no one will learn if they’re tied to their feet.

I may be lonely from time to time but as i look back, it’s already been six weeks of fun and learning. It’s been six weeks of growing friendships. Six weeks of laughs and meaningful smiles. Six weeks of locking myself in the library. Six weeks of walking and running to classes. Six weeks of chemical experimentations. Six weeks of brutal equations.  Six weeks of standing on my own two feet with no one to hold me back.

I’ve been here for six weeks and change is inevitable. I’ve grown to be more independent and confident. I’ve changed not just in the language I spoke but now I can also emotionally cope up with the foreign environment. I’ve learned to accept that there will always be better than you but it should not hold you back to achieve the best that you can have. UPLB changed me but I hope for the better.

Six weeks ago, I started my life, my own life, and I plan to live it here. Six weeks down, twelve more to go 🙂

Grazie Mille

We got here not by serendipity, not even by chance, not by choice and never by accident. All of these are products of hard work, skills, will and God’s blessing. We are maybe facing a lot of problems in achieving the highest honor anyone of our kind (journalist) can get, God still lends His hand to push us through. Whatever is the result, whatever is the verdict, all of us know our capabilities. We already made it this far and it’s enough proof of our excellence.

To be a first-timer in this field and getting an opportunity to battle in the nationals, it’s already a victory. I may not win that medal but I know God has His reasons. To be armed and ready with all the knowledge our coach imparted to us, I feel like I can beat them all.

To Sir Gucci, we may have left the doors of our alma mater but you are one of the reasons I will look back to my precious 4 years in high school. A selfless and excellent coach like you, it’s a great honor to be your apprentice. I know you are already proud of us but I will promise you this, I will do my very best and I will never let you down. Even if i don’t win all i want you to know is that in every contest, at the end of the day there will be no regrets and I believe that will be enough.

Grazie. Merci. THANK YOU SO MUCH AND WE LOVE YOU !!

Ink for Blood

Ink for Blood
By: Kristine Iannah Lawas
The Mover

A warrior by heart, through words I shall fight. 

I’ve been trepidated, not by tyrants but with my own society. I’ve fought, not with invaders but with injustice and accusations. I’ve been threatened not with a gun but with words. I’ve been captured, not overseas but within my land.

How shall I fight? I believe that a bullet is never the answer. Too much blood had been wasted for eons. A newborn can neither fight nor surrender for death will be on both sides. I must do something. I must do it now.

Letter by letter. Word by word. Line by line. I am what I have. My voice is all I want for them to hear. I’m tired of being silent, motionless and powerless. Blinded from truth and overwhelmed by lies.

I’ve been powered not by praises but with thoughts. Ideas are rushing in, revolutionizing a free and peaceful world in my own mind.

Pens for swords. Ink for blood. I live for a story. Not just any other story. A story of hope, power, intrigue, love, failure and triumph. A story about me, about you and everyone of us.

This is a new era. Words are weapons. Truth is the shield you must never underestimate. Many died but left behind a legacy of power. It affected lives of billion people of the past, present and probably in the near future. Put them together and you may never know its stupendous effect.

But to be this warrior, courage is a must. To be a coward is to be a wounded soldier. Overpowered by fear instead of will, you better retreat. Knowledge and courage are your only weapons in the battlefield and fear is a chain tied to your feet.

I am a writer. I am a warrior

published here: http://themovertagumcitynhs.mypressonline.com/feature2.htm