Friday the THIRTEEN-th

task 13: Life with my family

Being the eldest daughter of a four-member family looked like an easy job but it’s actually 180 degree-opposite.

I was never raised by my family as a dependent bratinella. I learned to be independent in life and made decisions for myself. But I will always admit to have a housekeeper every once in a while.

I am proud to say that I never lacked discipline from my parents. From reprimands to physical assaults, my mind and body suffered them all. A typical Filipino family is what I have.

But after the tragedy happened, differences made their way before us. We need to change a LOT of our daily routines and attitudes. It’s very hard, really really hard. In the process of changing, blood, sweat and tears flowed out of me in straining out the best that I could be. I worked hard both in school and in the house we currently live in. I even experienced the paranoia where everything else around me were all blurred. I was distant with the world, secluding myself in a safer place, away from pressure and reprimands from my parents.

At this moment of time, we are a one of the rare families that still exchange “i love you” and kisses and hugs. We still go to church every Sunday and sometimes even go out to see a movie on the weekends. But as time passed by, distance grew so does the mind. I developed fear inside, fear of what could happen next, of what mistake I would do in the future causing me to give up something just because they don’t approve of what I’ve been doing. It’s complicated and frightening but I believe, These are just challenges God imposed unto us to strengthen our faith and our bond.

TWELVE drummers drumming

task 12: Life as a student

Millions of questions circulate one’s mind. Fear of the future’s uncertain reply.

It was like months ago since I first entered the premises of our school. Innocent and curious of what the future holds. Day by day I learn new knowledge, get more experiences and gain more friends. For four years of studying here, multifarious problems suppressed my mind but on the other hand innumerable victory flourished my soul. High school is the best part of my existence.

But everything must come to an end. One must choose between the choices. One must decide on which way to pursue. One must take the risk of ensuring his future.

As fourth year students, we are haunted by what ifs, maybes and what next. Curiosity and anxiety goes along together, curiosity of what could happen and anxiety to what it will be, to where will it end and to what we would become. On my part, I am afraid to take a big step, a big leap of faith, to take an enormous risk because it’s either to emerge as great and noble or to swim in regrets and disappointments.

At this time of my life, many opportunities make their way before me. It’s my decision to choose, not the greatest option but what’s best for myself. We have many things to reconsider after we graduate: a place to stay, a good school to invest our time and effort, the new friends we could rely on and the goals we want to achieve.

As early as now, we need to sort out all of these not just for your own but for the society and humanity’s futures are at stake.

FORMER: UNCERTAINTY

TEN-sion

task 9: I become sad when..

Sadness is one of the most ugliest feeling a person can feel. It can change you for a minute or even forever.

I become sad when I don’t get what I desperately want. I yearn for it yet I know that I’ll never get another glance on it which makes me really sad.

I really become sad when I drop my grades. Even though how much I convince myself that it’s okay .. I know deep inside that it is not. As of this time of my life, good grades are my topmost priority. My future “me, myself and I” will depend on how much hard work I do today.

I also become sad when I can’t get a glimpse of the apple of my eye. It makes my day incomplete. I feel a deep desperation inside making me do sorts of crazy things which make me look pathetic. When I think of it, it makes me sad.

Also, another reason I become sad is when I’m misunderstood. It’s one of the last things I want to be. I don’t want to be misunderstood because many cruel things can happen if you let others live with a mistake.

cloud NINE

Task 9: I become angry when..

I’m a type of person that does not get angry that easily. People tend to tease, irritate, or annoy me because of the said attitude. But there are always certain things that could trigger some dragon sparks within me.

I become angry when I’m publicly humiliated. I feel like eating the person who does such a monstrous motive.

I also become angry when I’m betrayed. I feel like it’s one of the worst things a person, especially a friend, can do to you.

I become angry when I’m being left behind. I feel like I’m not part of the team or the social circle. I’m deprived of the gossips and information usually causing me to go down, maybe in self esteem or in grades.

EIGHT below

Task 6: I become happy when..

The definition of happiness varies from person to person. It differs basing on a person’s experience. There are millions of happiness in this world and I have some I can call mine.

I become happy when all of the people around me are jumping with joy. Their happiness seems to be contagious, from their laughs to their smiling eyes.

I become happy when I watch movies. Movies are the extensions of my visual imagination. They give temporary satisfaction against all numbness inside.

I become happy when I read books. For me, my brain, heart and imagination work together and create a paradise where everything can happen.

I become happy when his physique flaunts in front of me. It sends “flirty” stimuli to my static nerves creating a shock to my system. It’s both awkward and magical.

I become happy when a plan comes together. It creates a certain feeling of intelligence and pride inside. It makes me feel important and appreciated at the same time.

I become happy when I’m talking with God. It’s the only time when sky is the limit. I ask forgiveness, I give thanks and I relay stories of my daily life. Even the detailed bits and bops of the nonsensical things done throughout the day. It gives relief and security.

I’m obviously a shallow person but I’m also happy about it 🙂

Lucky SEVEN

task 7: My Current Crush

I stare blankly at the screen thinking of what to write. Looking for words that could describe what I’m feeling at  this very moment of time. A poem? An essay? A song? Or just a simple statement?

A surge of emotions circulates my mind. Anxiety and hope are the dominant ones. One sided or mutual?

I learned my lessons and I don’t want to go back to the time of great desperation and left with a big “WHAT IF?” on my loser head.

It was not after four years when I realized a certain kind of emotion, familiar yet rare which dated a few years ago. Now I think of the wasted moments we’ve shared for the past years.

As a normal being, it is normal to have crushes but I admit, this time is complicated enough to question one’s infatuation. There would be a very long list for the problems. But as the saying goes “KUNG AYAW MAY DAHILAN, KUNG GUSTO PALAGING MERONG PARAAN” (If there’s a will, there’s a way).

I already accepted the possibility of it being a one-sided feeling but there is still that inch of hope of feeling it mutually. I also accepted the fact that this foreign yet familiar admiration is only limited to “glimpse, glances, smiles and hellos” … ONLY limited.

He was talented, smart, witty, uhmm well he really suits the term..”tall, dark and handsome”. It was all “butterfly-fluttering, rainbow-swirling, mind-boggling and stomach-twisting” shock to my system. It was sudden. From out of nowhere, from the unknown corners of the unknown, I just turned “googly-eyes” for him. I don’t know why, I don’t know when, I don’t know how. Well it’s officially UNCONDITIONAL but JUST crush.

Every time I see him in school, a glimpse is the only thing I can offer. I need not to show for it will be the END of me. It’s exaggerated but trust me, one second and all the people would tease you, some would even talk behind your back. It’s better this way, no arguments just love [CHOS! xD].

It’s complicated but that’s life and the best thing a person can feel is to love and be loved 🙂

SIX o’clock

Task 6: My First Crush

Well He was probably my puppy love [char]

Innocence was the blanket that covered us for a long time. Young and carefree, not minding about the catastrophic surge of the future. Everyday I saw his cuteness flaunting on the aisle in the room. The feeling was mutual and that was the best part. We were classmates for four long years.

For a very long time, his face was my inspiration, his presence was my light. I never got bored even a single second way back then. But everything must come to an end… even love.

He transferred schools when we were in Fifth Grade due to his father’s change of workplace. I was sad, very sad. I even shed a tear because of his absence.  But as days, weeks and years passed, he became a memory, a memory of a young girl’s admiration, no more no less 🙂

high FIVE (30 Day Challenge)

task 5: Things I Don’t Like about myself

• insecure
• not confident
• don’t know how to sing
• insane
• too soft
• pride
• DM
• self-crisis
• shyness
• loner
• kj
• too overworked
• desperate
• laziness (I’m too lazy to make any paragraphs) 😀
• liar
• childish
• bitch
• self-centered

FOUR now (30 Day Challenge)

Task 4:  Things I like about myself

With this topic, I don’t want to sound like a “narcissistic bitch”.

Hmm.. I never really thought of something I like about myself but maybe determination would be one. When I’m conditioned to achieve a certain goal, I pour everything, sweat and blood, to reach it.

I would also like to include in the list – being open-minded. Although I want things to be organized by following a certain process or objective, I still manage to acknowledge other opinions or choices.

As of now, I realized I don’t like myself that much ! xD
but I would like to go back in this task and add more things.

THAT’S ALL FOR NOW

THREE blind mice (30 Day Challenge)

Task 3: THINGS I DON’T LIKE

Well there’s an endless list for that.

I’m not really that adventurous-type of girl. I’ve got a lot of phobias making me hate almost everything. I hate creepy crawlies. Even the sight of them makes me itch, how much more skin-to-skin. I also hate dirty places. It just gets into my nerves.

When it comes to people, I hate social climbers. I want to know  the real them, not just their positive side but also their deepest darkest secrets. I also hate back-stabbers. They are just bundles of insecures.

When we’re talking about food, I HATE VEGETABLES. i just.. just don’t like them. I’m also very picky when it comes to fruits. That’s why I’m not that healthy.

It seems like I’m so “ma-arte” but it’s who I am. I hate all of them but does that makes me another person? I think it does not. We all have our dislikes and these are mine.

🙂